Just thought I'd better give a quick update to say I'm ok and have managed to keep my pedestrian rage just about bottled up. The last entry wasn't meant to appear so Heavy. No hang on, it was - but within the context of that being my last rant about my terrible timetable dilemmas. So for those who've written to check I was ok, thanks for the concern, but don't panic I've not lost it just yet. Ok, quick recap on the last couple of weeks or so...

I had a bit of a travelling ordeal to get back to Lisbon, national express at 1am from Sheffield, change at Coventry, followed by a 4 hour wait at Luton airport, before finally boarding the plane. I landed in Lisbon on the Sunday morning in need of a few hours sleep. But, I decided to forgo the sleep in favour of the football in the pump house. Just had a quick 20 minutes to dump what was left of my case (I think the baggage handlers had an off day, the plastic casing is split into pieces and its now held together by the inner lining) at the apartment and get a quick update of what was happening with the place from Bruno. and an update I got, I even understood some of it – here’s my best attempt at a translation – (house…………everything clean…..Brasilian girl…..), I know the last bit for sure, cos shortly after I was introduced to a distinctly Brasilian looking/ sounding girl called Wal (from Walderice, I was later to discover, pronounced /vow/). well she seemed nice enough, but I had no time to exchange pleasantries – don’t you know there’s a game on? Apparently she didn’t, but I did – so that was that.

after the game, I went back to the house under the illusion that I’d get some work done and have all my classes prepared with time spare to watch a film and get an early night. it was a reasonable attempt, but I failed on all 3 accounts. However, I did succeed in knocking a glass of apple juice over, and when I say over, I’m not talking the kinda ‘whoops a daisy, better get a cloth’ type over. I’m talking ‘sh*t! not my files, oh my mobile – oh noooooo!!! laptop!!!!’ – type over. I frantically blotted the keyboard to get as much up as I could and discarded soggy papers whilst berating myself for being such a clumsy idiot (who says we can’t multi-task?). it was a nervy moment switching the laptop back-on, followed by a hollow sinking feeling as I was met by a blank screen and lack of any sounds suggesting it was working on the problem. I worriedly reset it again, and thankfully this time it seemed to work, keyboard was a bit sticky – but if a sticky keyboard was to be my only punishment, I’d take it. If anyone has Can top apple juice for worst beverage to spill on your laptop, I’d be happy to receive you nominations.

By Monday evening, I’d established that Wal had taken Juan’s old room and either was a bit obsessive-compulsive with the washing and cleaning, or had been employed by the landlady to clean the place. It was a bit confusing and I was too embarrassed to ask. On the plus side I could understand Val’s Portuguese much more than I could Bruno’s and even managed to survive a conversation on beliefs, religion and general views on life. It was a bit of stretch but I think we achieved a reasonable level of mutual understanding. By Tuesday things were getting clearer and I was pretty sure Val’s duties were undertaken in a professional capacity (although I’m still not 100% certain), although it was less clear if these included the offer of meals prepared when I got in from work and impromptu shoulder massages. On the second occasion this occurred, I was sat at my desk, under the pretence of working again, and a little embarrassed by the situation I felt I should offer something in return. I went with the offer of a few English lessons. It appeared I may have over-cooked it, as Val told me to get on the bed. A trifle intimidated I said maybe later and made some excuse about having to prepare my classes.

The rest of the week passed relatively uneventfully, with the exception of some kind of record breaking attempt as I managed to knock over another 2 drinks (beer and another apple juice) in my room on consecutive days, bringing my total to 4 drinks in 5 days including kicking a glass of water over at Mikey’s before leaving for the airport to cap a performance even James ‘Dropper’ Prigmore would be proud(?) of. Thankfully this trend seems to have been a one-off, and fortunately there have been no repeat incidents – touch wood. Talking of woods, it appears I wasn’t out of them yet as far as my keyboard was concerned, being haunted By a sticky ‘x’ key with cupid aspirations – scattering anything I attempted to type with a smattering of kisses. Awh cute!! But, not entirely desirable when you’re trying to type student reports. After cleaning under the keys with a damp tissue, I thought I’d cracked it, but after a few blissful days of gremlin free typing, the same fate now seems to have possessed my Caps Lock key. The annoying yet harmless enough kisses in my typing had now turned to the barely comprehensible babblings and manic SHOUTY outbursts, that brought to mind the winos I pass on my way to work, sat out on the same doorstep, day and night, their bloodshot eyes competing with their weather beaten faces to see which can take on the deepest shade of red by the end of the day.

The Caps Lock ghost is proving a little trickier to exorcise, and even trickier to rationalise. It seems to have violent mood swings, disappearing and reappearing with slightly tweaked symptoms without any apparent pattern or regularity. Right now it appears to be behaving itself – but only a paragraph ago it was up to its tricks. Generally, I can type things in word and alter it all afterwards (like this), but when I’m on messenger people think I’m joking “SorRY, I sEEM tO bE hAViNg pROblEMS wITh my CAPS LoCK kEY” –not sure why but people seem to think this is amusing?

Bye for now, and If you see me on Messenger, I’m not SHOUTING OK????